I wonder how many of you were affected by the way your mother felt about her appearance.
Even if your mother did not talk about how she felt about her looks, she may have communicated her insecurities by the way she behaved.
I remember going to the grocery store with my mother when I was a young child. If she glimpsed a neighbor or friends she would grab my hand and duck down another aisle to avoid them. She told me this was because she did not have time to stand and chat. As I got older, she admitted to me that she didn’t want to chat because she did not feel she looked her best.
As a young child, I did not understand my mother’s behavior. When I became an adolescent I began to understand her behavior when I started having some of the same feelings.
My mother was a beautiful woman, but she did not feel beautiful. She felt her nose was too big and she hated her freckled skin. She envied her friends who could lay out in the sun until their skin turned leathery brown. Even though she had dark brown hair, she had the skin of a red head. When she tried to lay in the sun, thinking her freckles would blend together to give her a tan, she got sun poisoning. Ironically, because she had to stay out of the sun, as she got older, her skin stayed beautiful as her friends grew more wrinkled.
They say it’s not what our parents say but what they do that affects us.’
For me it was what my mother said and what she did. She was highly critical of her own appearance and my appearance. When I was about 6 years old, I was invited to my best friends ballet recital. I did not go because I got a stomach ache. That stomach ache felt real at the time, but I realize now, looking back, that underneath the stomach ache was anxiety because I felt I did not have anything to wear that I felt I looked good in. As I got older, I turned down many invitations, because I felt I did not have anything to wear.
When I became an adult, if I could not avoid going to a special event, I would look in my closet and feel panicked because my “old faithful’s,” were too raggedy to wear.
So I would go out and feel desperate as I shopped for something to wear for the special occasion. When I did go to the event, I felt self conscious and did not enjoy myself because I felt fat and frumpy. I would often find myself comparing the way I looked to the way the other women looked.
I wonder if any of you can relate to this?
I discovered after I got trained as an image consultant that I have the most challenging body shape to dress.
Even when I weighed 112 pounds, I felt I looked fat because I have narrow hips and a proportionally wide waistline and midsection. ( If you happen to have this body shape, you need to wear tops with undefined waistlines.) It was hard for me to find clothes that looked good on me because
I did not really understand my body shape or the colors that flattered me.
No matter how much I dieted, my waist stayed wide because of my bone structure. Because I did not understand which styles or colors were flattering, it would take me forever to find one thing that looked ok and fit me. Frequently if I found one piece that looked good, there would be nothing to match it and it would just hang in my closet unworn.
Something magical happened to me when I learned what silouettes worked best on my body shape and what my most flattering colors were.
Shopping got easier and putting myself together became a breeze. As I got more and more compliments about my appearance, some of those old feelings of self consciousness and “not looking good enough,” began to melt away.
When I have an important event to go to or I am invited out now, I still have a flash of panic, but it only lasts for a few seconds.
Then I remember that I have the knowledge to put myself together and look good. When I leave my house, I no longer feel self conscious because I am confident that I know what looks good on me no matter what my shape or weight.
Even if you did not have a self conscious, critical mother or body shape challenges, some of you may be experiencing body shape challenges as you have gotten older.
Do you understand your body shape and the styles of clothing that most flatter your body?
Do you know what shades of color really flatter you?
Do you understand your “Fashion Personality,” and how that affects what you feel comfortable wearing?
What are you doing as you get older to continue presenting the best version of yourself? I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to comment.
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Are you ready to save lots of money and look great everyday? To far away to meet in person. Think you might be interested in an Online Wardrobe Makeover? Call or e-mail to set up a Complimentary 25 minute telephone consult. The telephone consult I am currently offering is FREE, with no obligation, but I only have a few of these slots available each week. The purpose of the telephone consult is to help you determine what your fashion personality is and to help me better understand what your needs are. Say goodbye to those, “Nothing to wear moments.”
Nancy@WardrobeWiz.com, 410-513-9496, WWW.WardrobeWiz.com
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Nancy Goldblatt, “The Wardrobe Wizard,” is a “Color 1,” Personal Image Consultant who specializes in working with mid-life women whose size and shape has changed and who have too many clothes and “nothing to wear.” After a woman works with “The Wardrobe Wizard,”she will have a wallet of her best colors and styles, and a pared down closet. She will learn how to mix and match her best looks so she can get dressed “lickety split,” and look great everyday.
“The Wardrobe Wizard,” also works with younger women and is available to work with men. She was trained by Joanna Nicholson, founder of Color 1 Associates an International Image & Style Company.
